Not Today
by Irishchicatee
Summary: Sam focused with a dollop of ship and a side of sam/daniel friendship. Implied character death.Nice and angsty, just how i like it!


Set in current time, shippy with a bit of angst and hurt. Character death. Focused on Sam with some Sam/Daniel Friendship thrown in.

Not great with the team in the field stories or the technical bits and bobs so had to improvise. Italic's indicate flash back scene. Still beta less but have tried to correct anything very obvious.

Please review

Not Today.

She wasn't quiet sure how long she'd been lying there willing day break away. She watched as the sun snuck through a gap in the curtains and crawled along the ceiling inch by inch. Looking over at the bed side locker she watched the second hand on the clock march towards twelve. Once it reached its destination the alarm would sound and this day would begin. Not quiet ready for it to start she turned her body away to look at the empty space in the bed next to her.

"_Is there__ another option" his eyes searched hers pleading_

"_Sir we both know there isn't" she looked away, fixing her gaze on the device that lay on the briefing room table between them._

"_Can't the device be put in detonated remotely somehow" Daniel asked his voice filled with hope._

"_No Daniel, there are too many variables" she watched as the posture on her friend changed. He slummed back in his chair, it had to be this way and he knew it._

"_Well I'm sorry Carter but there is no way I'm letting you or anyone else on this base do this" _

"_General O'Neill with all due respect, the threat we're facing is worth the risk, the __Alliance have to be stopped and this right now is the only option." _

"_Col Carter I'm aware of that, the decision has already been made, your going to tell me what I need to know" She looked at him puzzled and watched as his eyes flicked to General Landry and saw something pass between them. Then the penny dropped._

"_Sir" Jack turned to look at her and in an instant, she knew._

"_I'm delivering the device Carter, it's already been approved"_

"Good Morning DC and welcome to another beautiful July morning. The sun is shining and …."

Sam reached over and hit the off button on the clock radio. She swung her legs over the side of the bed and reached down to the floor to find her slippers. What her hand found wasn't her slipper but his tennis shoe. Sam held it in her hand for a moment, before finding its match and placing them side by side on the floor. She stood and strode bare foot over to the window to pull back the curtains. The brightness assaulted her senses and she pulled the curtains closed again, opting instead to turn on the bedside lamp.

Daniel would be here soon. She signed inwardly at the thought of what lay ahead. Sam walked across the bedroom to the en suite bathroom, switching on the light as she entered. She twisted the dial on the shower to full power and turned to look at her reflection in the mirror that hung over the sink. She'd pulled on his sweat pants and t shirt when she got here two days ago and hadn't changed since. Her hair hung limply around her face and her skin was a shade of grey she didn't recognise. Sam undressed and got into the shower, turning up the heat until her skin burned. She welcomed the pain; she needed to feel something, anything, the last few days she'd just felt numb.

Sam sat in her dress uniform at the kitchen table. The coffee she poured herself fifteen minutes earlier was nestled, untouched in her hands. Her mind had wondered.

"_Jack your kidding" Daniel voicing the shock that had just reverberated around the room._

_Sam sat motionless, pinned to her chair. She had been prepared for the arguments that her old teammates would throw at her and she'd been prepared to de__fend her decision to be the one to detonate the device. Only suddenly it wasn't her walking to her death but him._

"_You heard what Carter said Daniel, the device can only be detonated manually, the President and the Joint Chiefs agree that Carter's too valuable to the programme to loose. She could feel his eyes on her, she understood, too valuable to the programme, too valuable to him._

"_And your not Jack, come on, this is crazy" Daniel was practically shouting in the General's face. Jack leaned back in his chair and surveyed the faces looking at him, all except hers._

"_Look I know this seems a little extreme guys but the Alliance have been kicking our butts out there, they nearly destroyed the Hammond which I might add is supposed to be our most advanced piece of kit, and unless we get rid of their stronghold, well we all know how that little ditty goes. I'm not prepared to send anyone out to do something that I wouldn't do myself."_

_The__ silence in the room was deafening._

_She raised her head to look at him. "When?" _

"_How long will it take for the final __prep?" _

"_An hour Sir"_

_Jack glanced at his watch 13.30 hours,"OK then we leave at 15.00 hours. Dismissed"_

_Jack placed his hands on the table and pushed himself up. "Hank can I use your off__ice?_

_Landry nodded his approval before returning to his conversation with Cameron Mitchell._

"_Daniel can I have a word" Jack shot over his shoulder before making his way to his old office. Daniel glanced at Sam as he passed and gave her the briefest of smiles. She picked up the device from the table and made her way to her old lab._

The door bell ringing brought her from her thoughts. Sam looked up at the clock on the kitchen wall, 08.00. It was Daniel, bang on time. She rose from her seat, poured the cold coffee down the sink and placed the cup on the draining board before walking to the door to let him in. He didn't say anything and she was relieved. He followed her into the kitchen and as she sat down he opened one of the presses and took a cup.

"Coffee?" he asked her over his shoulder, coffee pot already in hand.

"Yeah thanks" Sam focused her attention on a scratch mark on the tables surface and ran her finger over it again and again.

Daniel put the cup down in front of her before pulling out a chair and sitting down. He took a sip of his own before placing it the table. They sat in a comfortable silence for a few moments. She watched as his hand left his coffee cup and moved towards her. He placed it gently on her arm.

"We have to leave soon"

"I don't want to Daniel" the tremble in her voice betraying the solid exterior she was trying to hold up

"I know" he took her hand and squeezed it. She looked it her friends face and saw for the first time the pain etched in his eyes.

They made the trip in silence. There was nothing to say. There were no words that could offer comfort.

Before she knew it they'd arrived at the graveyard. Looking out the passenger window she would see people milling around. Some faces she knew, Cam, Vala, Landry, a few long serving members of the SGC, the others, she wasn't so sure. Old comrades perhaps, people from the pentagon, a lot of brass she noticed. To them she was just his old colleague, she didn't deserve any special attention and right now as she watched them she was glad. Sam didn't think she could bare their stares, the sly glances at the forbidden lover left behind. She took a deep breath and opened the door. Teal'c having seen the car approach had made his way over to them. Once she had stepped out of the car he placed a hand on her shoulder and looked at her, silently asking her if she was ok. She reached up and placed her hand on his and nodded.

"We're right her Sam" Daniel's voice was almost a whisper.

Sam looked at the two men standing with her, her family, the only ones who understood how hard today was. The understood cause they felt it too. "I know"

"_How much further T?" Jack had asked Teal'c for the third time since they'd come through the gate. They'd been walking for an hour. The six man team were making their way through the underground cave system that ran beneath the Lucian Alliance base camp. The plan was to destroy the camp and everyone in it._

"_We are almost there O'Neill" __ Teal'c and General O'Neill took point followed by Daniel and Vala with Sam and Mitchell bringing up the rear._

"_Didn't you say that last time I asked" the general asked his friend._

"_I did but this time it is true, look" Teal'c pointed to the right. It was a tunnel leading off the one they'd been on for the last forty minutes.._

_They turned and made their way slowly until they came to a small cavern. This was it, this was the cavern Sam had calculated was in the perfect position for the explosion. _

"_Carter", his voice echoed around the cavern," do whatcha gotta do and fast"_

"_Yes Sir" Sam took her back pack off and started setting the device._

"_Mitchell, take the rest of the team and make sure we don't get any surprises"_

_Then they were alone. From were she knelt on the floor she could see his feet were facing her and she could imagine him standing there watching her work as he'd done countless times before. She dared not look at him. This wasn't the time to worry about Sam and Jack, this was what they did, pushed any emotions to one side and concentrated on the job at hand. Only this time, she was going to show him how to blow the caves and himself to hell._

"_The device is ready Sir" _

_He came to knell on the opposite side of the device _

"_Show me" Their eyes didn't meet._

_Sam showed him what to, once on__ it couldn't be turned off. She was sure she told him this more than once, making sure he understood. They ran through the procedure a few times until he was comfortable with it._

"_Ok I think I got it, you need to get going" he stood up._

_She followed suit " Sir I…."_

_He cut her off "The device takes thirty minutes to hit critical right?" Sam didn't answer._

"_So I need to give you guys 15 minute head start before switching it on and 15 minutes after that to be back through the gate. We should set our watches". _

"_I'm sorry" the words had escaped before she realised. Her heart winning the battle against her head. "If I hadn't…_

"_No, this is not your fault." He placed his hand on her cheek and rubbed his thumb against her soft skin. "Let's face it Sam, we're not the happily ever after type"_

_She forced a smile to her face." No we're not"_

"_I wouldn't change a thing you know that, nothing, it was all worth it. You were worth it" he let go of her face and she missed his touch instantly._

"_Watches" it was an order not a request and in an instant they were back, the General and the colonel. _

_He knelt down by the device again, his P90 in hand "Go"_

"_Yes Sir", she looked into __his eyes one last time, turned and walked._

The service went by in a blur. General Landry had saved them all the pain and said a few words. Right now all Sam wanted to do was go back bed and never get up. At this present time though that wasn't an option, Daniel had suggested days before that after the service they all head back to Jack's apartment, her apartment. She'd been too dazed to argue although now she wished she had. Not that the people sitting in the living room weren't welcome, Cameron, Vala, Teal'c, Daniel and Landry. They just didn't understand.

The door of the balcony closed behind her but she didn't turn. She listened to the sound of feet hitting concrete and could identity her old team mate instantly. In the field it was necessary to know if the person sneaking up behind you was friend or foe. She was resting her arms on the handrail of the balcony and he came to stand beside her mimicking her stance. Sam closed her eyes enjoying the feeling of the sun on her face, a light breeze blowing the few stray hairs that had escaped her bun and clips across her face.

"When are you due back on the Hammond?"

She glanced out of the corner of her eye to the friend at her side, he'd closed his eyes too.

"Three days" she'd turned her attention to a flock of birds over head.

"You ready?"

"Will I ever be ready Daniel?" He opened his eyes and stared ahead. She was asking him, really asking him from his own experience, if it would ever get easier. He felt his heart tighten.

"No Sam"

"Well then I guess I'm ready" they turned to look at each other and smiled.

"He asked me to keep an eye on you, ya know, that day at the briefing when he wanted to speak to me. He wanted to know you'd be ok"

Sam didn't quiet know what to say.

"Know matter were I am, were we are" he gestured to the people in the room behind him, "we will always be there for you"

Sam swallowed hard and fought back the tears that threatened to spill.

"I know" she pulled her friend into a hug.

One day she would be ok just not today.

THE END


End file.
